id be glad to
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
