There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
