Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
