she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
