this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
