Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize