The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
