Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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