You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
