ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
