i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize