how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
