Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
