I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
