Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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