seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
