put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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