M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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