My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
