I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
