Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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