I need help removing her.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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