oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
