My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
