ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
