aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
