Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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