just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
