I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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