my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
