is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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