I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
