Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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