I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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