When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
