Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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