Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
