Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
