I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
