so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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