I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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