Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
