No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
