Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
