People in love make me want to vomit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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