News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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