I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
