My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
