I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
