He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
