we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
