I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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