Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
