It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
