I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
