He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
