First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize