last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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