one might say we're banned from that church
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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