So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
