not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Acid is not a monday night drug
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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