I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
