what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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