apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
