im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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