I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
