If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's never too late to be topless.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
