I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
