you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
