I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
