you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
