This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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