yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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