Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
