If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
