I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
