4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
