your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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