From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
