Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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