You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
