how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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