The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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