omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
