you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
