i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
