WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize